In the past week, we have done six interviews for a fulltime teaching position in our division. I won't get into any details to save any embarrasment to the interviewees, but after sitting through more than 7 and a half hours of various forms of self-agrandisment, I would like to point out some things that people should consider not doing during an interview:
1) It is a not a kinder, gentler world. No one on your interview committee cares about your personal traumas. If they do, they too need to have their heads examined. It's just not the done thing to tell people about your life's troubles during an interview.
2) Don't swear.
3) Don't prattle on and on moving your mouth faster than a clapper on a duck's ass. Answer questions completely and succinctly, not half-assed and suckingly long.
4) Don't ask if one your interviewers is sleeping.
5) Don't scowl everytime you answer a question.
6) While it's perfectly acceptable to take a moment of relfection before answering a question, make sure it's only a moment.
7) Don't use the term "of course" in referring to something your interviewers may or may not do.
8) Don't seem too eager or desperate. Of course you're desperate, or you wouldn't be looking for a job. There's no good reason to underscore your misfortune at being jobless.
9) Don't email the lead interviewer hours after your interview offering more unsolicited information about your life.
10) Don't act like you come from planet Koozbane; while great strides have been made in the last 40 years to bring real equality to the masses of our country, we still have a bias for people who are actually human beings and not great masses of orange fluff filled with self-loathing, agression, or enabled co-dependence.
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